or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize