I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
