I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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