I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
