then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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