everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize