She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
