don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize