New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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