yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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