I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
