He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
