I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize