when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
