Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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