i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
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