where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Bring me that man meat
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
