Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
