Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
