no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
