He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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