Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
