maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
