my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
