You made me cry and you don't even care
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
