Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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