im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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