I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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