She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You're like the curious george of whores
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
