Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
