get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
