Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
