this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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