So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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