I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
