If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
