Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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