Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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