i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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