just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
