Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize