Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
