I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
