Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
