I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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