Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
