She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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