I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
