Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
