I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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