I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
