his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
