you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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