i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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