you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i think i have herpe
just one?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
