I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Sext me about skeletons
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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