Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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