five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
