if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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