I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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