I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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