Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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