I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
