Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
