God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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