I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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