Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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