I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
