How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
